The Stonewall Riots of 1969 showcased the unification of a persecuted group demanding their respect as human beings. The battle visibly sparked a new civil rights movement that was on the verge to burst from the imprisonment the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender group had forcibly faced from a government oppressing these individuals to a sub-human status. This spontaneous riot presented itself as the true catalyst of the civil rights movement for a new generation of innovators.
This is a great thesis statement. I am particularly interested in the government oppression that occurred here and the response of these individuals to it.
The success of the Civil Rights Act and Movement as a whole are largely due to the contributions of Martin Luther King, Jr. and his pivotal role as a speaker, protestor, pacifist, and role model for many people of this era. The Montgomery Bus Boycott and the national attention it brought MLK set the stage for his famous “I Have a Dream” speech, the March on Washington, and the current he would create that would never truly end. The eventual passage of the bill came after the assassination of JFK, thanks to his successor - President Johnson.
Very good. I like your connection of Montgomery to the "I Have a Dream Speech." These are arguably the events King is most remembered for (Selma as well), and possibly the most successful, which further enhances your argument.
Simple, but good thesis, Clarissa. It is very interesting to me how news reports may limit themselves, due to the circumstances or politics of the time. I look forward to what you have to write here.
Recent income inequality is at an all-time high; it kills the American dream by not giving all Americans equal opportunity, having a too poor of an economy to help citizens, and experiencing little no government intervention to fix this problem.
This is a very interesting and very current argument. Make sure you provide the relevant American history here to justify that recent income inequality is at an 'all-time high.' Your supporting argument in this statement are very good and could make for an interesting read.
Very interesting and controversial argument. Make sure you identify arguments justifying the 'war on drugs' as you state your case for why tis has been a "massive misappropriation of funds."
The Space Race had a significant impact on United States advancement that not only allowed us to grow as a nation, but allowed us to achieve what was thought impossible in technology.
The arguments you are attempting to make are good, but your use of first person makes this a weak thesis statement. Also, is the impact of the space race over or ongoing?
As the Chinese immigrants began a booming population in the Western United States, immense racism begun, leading to the passage of the Chinese Exclusion Act. Due to this, the Chinese population dealt with massive struggles.
I do not like the wording, "massive struggles" here. You may need to specify of clarify. Could your thesis simply relate to the Chinese Exclusion Act creating tremendous obstacles for Chinese immigrants or Chinese-American citizens?
The Hollywood Ten victims faced a tremendous struggle for american freedom in 1947. By facing prosecutions that violated the first amendment rights, these ten people fought for their American inalienable rights.
Thesis is good, as the main reason for the refusal of the 'Hollywood Ten' to testify was a first Amendment Rights stance. Make sure you clearly indicated what 'inalienable rights' were violated.
The "Roaring" 1920s was the most difficult time for immigrants in American history. (My argument will include both trying to get into the country and their struggles if they got in)
The Black Panther Party was a radical group spurred by racial discrimination that is often misunderstood due to their violent behavior. The Panthers practiced militant self-defense and served to lead minority communities against the U.S. government and fought to establish revolutionary socialism. This radical group strived specifically for black equality through mass organizing, sometimes in violent manners, however the Black Panther Party also established a variety of social programs in the areas of human sustenance, health care, education, and criminal justice in order to help the suppressed black population.
Very good. Your first sentence (central argument) is strong. What I like is your supporting arguments are balanced in support of your thesis as well as in providing a thorough understanding of the Black Panthers.
Fear is often why people are subjugated and mistreated. For the past fifteen years the United States has lived in fear of terrorism. To prevent the fear from becoming tragedy the United States developed an interrogation camp to obtain information about possible terrorist attacks. This camp is known as Guantanamo Bay. Guantanamo Bay for a period of time did not have to respect the Geneva Conventions which prevent torture and other forms of mistreatment.
Very interesting arguments and statements. Not sure what your central argument is here, however. The last sentence seems to read as a statement of fact. Are your trying to argue that Guantanamo Bay interrogations violated the Geneva Convention principles? If so, you may want to state that as an argument. If you are arguing that Guantanamo Bay interrogation tactics were developed to reduce fear of terrorism in the U.S, then leave it alone.
The film industry throughout all of history has been able to improve and overcome economic downfalls such as the Great Depression. This industry was able to improve through equipment, editing, and even distribution- allowing it to provide jobs, entertainment, and even an escape from reality to the millions of viewers that enjoy the movie productions.
The men of the Amalgamated Association of Iron and Steel Workers fought to win better wages and working conditions for steel workers nationwide. The group fought against the Carnegie Steel Empire during the Homestead Strike of 1892. The company had violated the conditions set fourth by the union and union went on strike. The brave men of the Amalgamated Association of Iron and Steel Workers faced the wrath of Henry Frick and the Pinkerton Detective agency in order to secure there freedom and rights as American working men.
Good, if you are arguing that the men of the Amalgamated tried to improve conditions for all steel workers, because there is a solidarity to other workers here. I'm not sure if they succeeded, however, as the strike was violently put down. That may be the tough part of your argument.
Japanese Internment Camps were highly unfair to the majority of Japanese people who did not engage in spying for Japan during the war. However, these camps were necessary in order to limit the evil activity of those who tried to harm the U.S. war effort.
This thesis is very problematic. Are you finding actual instances of espionage?This was a 'scary' violation of people's citizenship rights. You may have to work on your wording here.
The early 1960’s era demonstrates great struggles for American Freedom from the Freedom Riders to Martin Luther King Juniors Speech, to the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Culminating these events as well as many others for the overall acceptance and breakdown of African American prejudice, the United States persevered throughout the violent turmoil and erupting civil problems.
What exactly are you trying to argue here? If you are trying to state that the events you mentioned culminated with a great victory for the Civil Rights movement with the Civil Rights Act of 1964, then you have something to work with. Get rid of a lot of the 'fancy' language and clarify your argument.
The many acts of police brutalities in the Obama era, each containing underlying racial prejudices, have mirrored the racial attacks during segregation in the sixties. This repeat of racial history proves that America continues to remain stagnant towards guaranteeing equal freedom for blacks.
I like what you are trying to do here, but your wording is awkward. Change to "The Many Acts of police brutality. . . have mirrored the racial attacks that occurred during the struggles against segregation in the sixties." I'm not sure if 'stagnant' is the best word here either. Why do refer to the current times as the 'Obama era?' Are you trying to indicated that the election of a black president or some of his policies are the catalyst for the latest upheavals?
The struggle for the professed American Freedom manifests itself in many fashions: minorities, racial prejudice, and labor unions being among the most inherent of struggles. But what one may forget to include is the freedom of thought - somewhat forgettable in nature, as thinking is the most-used of human activity. But what happens when thought is oppressed - when being cognitively independent is no longer in question? Jim Jones, leader of the People’s Temple, a prominent cult in the 1970’s, was a radical oppressor of thought. With cases of extreme manipulation, Jones’ followers lacked an ability to think outside of cult mentality - resulting in atrocity.
This is excellent. I look forward to your final product. The above should be your opening paragraph, as it provides a good introduction, your thesis, and supporting arguments.
Though Title IX is most popular for its effect on sports, it has also had a tremendous impact on men and women socially, politically, academically, and athletically.
Simple, but good. The trick here will be clarifying what you mean by helping men and women socially, political, academically, and athletically, and then accurately explaining how Title IX did this. Make sure you provide content support as you do so. You may find yourself modifying this thesis to make it less expansive. Make sure you provide some American history in this paper as well.
On November 4, 1979, more than sixty Americans were stripped of their freedom when a mob of Iranian students overtook the U.S. embassy in Tehran. This chilling hostage situation would ignite a chain of actions by President Carter, each with the intention of freeing the Americans. For four hundred and forty four days, the United States struggled to regain the freedom of their embassy workers, who, in the meantime, lived in panic and fear among a swarming population of heated Iranians. This crisis proved to be like a deadly atomic bomb with its tragic effects on American Iranian policy as well as President Carter himself. Despite these negative impacts, the numerous attempts and negotiations made to bring freedom to those held hostage allows for the crisis to be ranked as a landmark in United States history, displaying an incredible amount both endurance and courage.
Good introductory paragraph. I like your thesis of arguing that this event displayed 'an incredible amount OF both endurance and courage. Make sure you clarify what you mean by 'a deadly atomic bomb,' if you continue to use that phrase.
The Stonewall Riots of 1969 showcased the unification of a persecuted group demanding their respect as human beings. The battle visibly sparked a new civil rights movement that was on the verge to burst from the imprisonment the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender group had forcibly faced from a government oppressing these individuals to a sub-human status. This spontaneous riot presented itself as the true catalyst of the civil rights movement for a new generation of innovators.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great thesis statement. I am particularly interested in the government oppression that occurred here and the response of these individuals to it.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe success of the Civil Rights Act and Movement as a whole are largely due to the contributions of Martin Luther King, Jr. and his pivotal role as a speaker, protestor, pacifist, and role model for many people of this era. The Montgomery Bus Boycott and the national attention it brought MLK set the stage for his famous “I Have a Dream” speech, the March on Washington, and the current he would create that would never truly end. The eventual passage of the bill came after the assassination of JFK, thanks to his successor - President Johnson.
ReplyDeleteVery good. I like your connection of Montgomery to the "I Have a Dream Speech." These are arguably the events King is most remembered for (Selma as well), and possibly the most successful, which further enhances your argument.
DeleteCensorship during the cold war era left a profound affect on society, especially newscasting
ReplyDeleteSimple, but good thesis, Clarissa. It is very interesting to me how news reports may limit themselves, due to the circumstances or politics of the time. I look forward to what you have to write here.
DeleteRecent income inequality is at an all-time high; it kills the American dream by not giving all Americans equal opportunity, having a too poor of an economy to help citizens, and experiencing little no government intervention to fix this problem.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting and very current argument. Make sure you provide the relevant American history here to justify that recent income inequality is at an 'all-time high.' Your supporting argument in this statement are very good and could make for an interesting read.
Delete"The War on Drugs" today and historically has been a massive misappropriation of funds that has had more detriment to the country than benefit.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting and controversial argument. Make sure you identify arguments justifying the 'war on drugs' as you state your case for why tis has been a "massive misappropriation of funds."
DeleteThe Space Race had a significant impact on United States advancement that not only allowed us to grow as a nation, but allowed us to achieve what was thought impossible in technology.
ReplyDeleteThe arguments you are attempting to make are good, but your use of first person makes this a weak thesis statement. Also, is the impact of the space race over or ongoing?
DeleteAs the Chinese immigrants began a booming population in the Western United States, immense racism begun, leading to the passage of the Chinese Exclusion Act. Due to this, the Chinese population dealt with massive struggles.
ReplyDeleteI do not like the wording, "massive struggles" here. You may need to specify of clarify. Could your thesis simply relate to the Chinese Exclusion Act creating tremendous obstacles for Chinese immigrants or Chinese-American citizens?
DeleteThe Hollywood Ten victims faced a tremendous struggle for american freedom in 1947. By facing prosecutions that violated the first amendment rights, these ten people fought for their American inalienable rights.
ReplyDeleteThesis is good, as the main reason for the refusal of the 'Hollywood Ten' to testify was a first Amendment Rights stance. Make sure you clearly indicated what 'inalienable rights' were violated.
Delete
ReplyDeleteReligious freedom needs to be limited when it violate other civil liberties (case study of Warren Jeffs and the FLDS)
This is a good concise and simple thesis statement. Make sure you reference this argument as you provide your case study of Warren Jeffs.
DeleteThe "Roaring" 1920s was the most difficult time for immigrants in American history.
ReplyDelete(My argument will include both trying to get into the country and their struggles if they got in)
Thesis is simple, yet strong. The key with the argument you are making here will be the supporting arguments you use to clarify it.
DeleteThe Black Panther Party was a radical group spurred by racial discrimination that is often misunderstood due to their violent behavior. The Panthers practiced militant self-defense and served to lead minority communities against the U.S. government and fought to establish revolutionary socialism. This radical group strived specifically for black equality through mass organizing, sometimes in violent manners, however the Black Panther Party also established a variety of social programs in the areas of human sustenance, health care, education, and criminal justice in order to help the suppressed black population.
ReplyDeleteVery good. Your first sentence (central argument) is strong. What I like is your supporting arguments are balanced in support of your thesis as well as in providing a thorough understanding of the Black Panthers.
DeleteFear is often why people are subjugated and mistreated. For the past fifteen years the United States has lived in fear of terrorism. To prevent the fear from becoming tragedy the United States developed an interrogation camp to obtain information about possible terrorist attacks. This camp is known as Guantanamo Bay. Guantanamo Bay for a period of time did not have to respect the Geneva Conventions which prevent torture and other forms of mistreatment.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting arguments and statements. Not sure what your central argument is here, however. The last sentence seems to read as a statement of fact. Are your trying to argue that Guantanamo Bay interrogations violated the Geneva Convention principles? If so, you may want to state that as an argument. If you are arguing that Guantanamo Bay interrogation tactics were developed to reduce fear of terrorism in the U.S, then leave it alone.
DeleteThe film industry throughout all of history has been able to improve and overcome economic downfalls such as the Great Depression. This industry was able to improve through equipment, editing, and even distribution- allowing it to provide jobs, entertainment, and even an escape from reality to the millions of viewers that enjoy the movie productions.
ReplyDeleteVery good, except I think I would change the word 'downfalls' to 'downturns.' Besides that, I like the arguments you are making.
DeleteThe men of the Amalgamated Association of Iron and Steel Workers fought to win better wages and working conditions for steel workers nationwide. The group fought against the Carnegie Steel Empire during the Homestead Strike of 1892. The company had violated the conditions set fourth by the union and union went on strike. The brave men of the Amalgamated Association of Iron and Steel Workers faced the wrath of Henry Frick and the Pinkerton Detective agency in order to secure there freedom and rights as American working men.
ReplyDeleteGood, if you are arguing that the men of the Amalgamated tried to improve conditions for all steel workers, because there is a solidarity to other workers here. I'm not sure if they succeeded, however, as the strike was violently put down. That may be the tough part of your argument.
DeleteJapanese Internment Camps were highly unfair to the majority of Japanese people who did not engage in spying for Japan during the war. However, these camps were necessary in order to limit the evil activity of those who tried to harm the U.S. war effort.
ReplyDeleteThis thesis is very problematic. Are you finding actual instances of espionage?This was a 'scary' violation of people's citizenship rights. You may have to work on your wording here.
DeleteThe early 1960’s era demonstrates great struggles for American Freedom from the Freedom Riders to Martin Luther King Juniors Speech, to the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Culminating these events as well as many others for the overall acceptance and breakdown of African American prejudice, the United States persevered throughout the violent turmoil and erupting civil problems.
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly are you trying to argue here? If you are trying to state that the events you mentioned culminated with a great victory for the Civil Rights movement with the Civil Rights Act of 1964, then you have something to work with. Get rid of a lot of the 'fancy' language and clarify your argument.
DeleteThe many acts of police brutalities in the Obama era, each containing underlying racial prejudices, have mirrored the racial attacks during segregation in the sixties. This repeat of racial history proves that America continues to remain stagnant towards guaranteeing equal freedom for blacks.
ReplyDeleteI like what you are trying to do here, but your wording is awkward. Change to "The Many Acts of police brutality. . . have mirrored the racial attacks that occurred during the struggles against segregation in the sixties." I'm not sure if 'stagnant' is the best word here either. Why do refer to the current times as the 'Obama era?' Are you trying to indicated that the election of a black president or some of his policies are the catalyst for the latest upheavals?
DeleteThe struggle for the professed American Freedom manifests itself in many fashions: minorities, racial prejudice, and labor unions being among the most inherent of struggles. But what one may forget to include is the freedom of thought - somewhat forgettable in nature, as thinking is the most-used of human activity. But what happens when thought is oppressed - when being cognitively independent is no longer in question? Jim Jones, leader of the People’s Temple, a prominent cult in the 1970’s, was a radical oppressor of thought. With cases of extreme manipulation, Jones’ followers lacked an ability to think outside of cult mentality - resulting in atrocity.
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent. I look forward to your final product. The above should be your opening paragraph, as it provides a good introduction, your thesis, and supporting arguments.
DeleteThough Title IX is most popular for its effect on sports, it has also had a tremendous impact on men and women socially, politically, academically, and athletically.
ReplyDeleteSimple, but good. The trick here will be clarifying what you mean by helping men and women socially, political, academically, and athletically, and then accurately explaining how Title IX did this. Make sure you provide content support as you do so. You may find yourself modifying this thesis to make it less expansive. Make sure you provide some American history in this paper as well.
ReplyDeleteOn November 4, 1979, more than sixty Americans were stripped of their freedom when a mob of Iranian students overtook the U.S. embassy in Tehran. This chilling hostage situation would ignite a chain of actions by President Carter, each with the intention of freeing the Americans. For four hundred and forty four days, the United States struggled to regain the freedom of their embassy workers, who, in the meantime, lived in panic and fear among a swarming population of heated Iranians. This crisis proved to be like a deadly atomic bomb with its tragic effects on American Iranian policy as well as President Carter himself. Despite these negative impacts, the numerous attempts and negotiations made to bring freedom to those held hostage allows for the crisis to be ranked as a landmark in United States history, displaying an incredible amount both endurance and courage.
ReplyDeleteGood introductory paragraph. I like your thesis of arguing that this event displayed 'an incredible amount OF both endurance and courage. Make sure you clarify what you mean by 'a deadly atomic bomb,' if you continue to use that phrase.
ReplyDelete